A letter to my 30 year old self

At 30 I was on the cusp of leaving a soul-less marriage, struggling to know who I even was, dipping in and out of anxiety and depression, surrounding myself with people who didn’t truly see me, giving so much more than I believed I deserved in return, and starting to realise that nothing about my life was really true.

You know how sometimes you can’t see even the most beautiful truths about yourself?

You know how you can struggle with the who and what and why you are?

I wish I knew then what I know now.

So, on the eve of my 40th birthday, sitting cushioned in a cloud of pillows on the bed in my Palm Cove hotel room, pen and journal in hand, this letter to myself flooded out.

This is what I want my 30 year old self to know. Maybe you need to know it too:

You are incomparable. Talented beyond belief.

The Universe’s marvel, its magic, and its mystique flow through you. Untapped, if you’ll let it.

You are divine. It isn’t out there. You are a walking expression of the stars, with your feet nestled in the flowers, and your dreams like the sky.

Stray from the crowd. Don’t wait. Have the courage to walk your own path, now.

Seek yourself, rather than seek the approval of others.

Know that sometimes to find who you are, you have to let go of what you think you are.

The sooner you learn these lessons, the better:

If you want a life full of love, that soul-deep connection you crave with another – find it in yourself first darling. You are your own true love. Your only true love.

Trust your intuition. Implicitly. It seems illogical now. But truly, the more you have the courage to leap … even with only blind faith to accompany you … the sooner you will be in exactly the right time and place.

There is no one and nothing more important than how you see yourself. See what is true. Be kind to yourself. That delicate flower in your heart needs your love. Your care. Your nurturing.

Feed your soul in a way that only you can. Say ‘yes’ to your spirit in every moment.

Allow no one and nothing to put you beneath them. To make you smaller than who you are in truth.

That crap you’re holding on to. Those false beliefs. That misplaced anger. That guilt. Regret. Get in there and make peace with it, right now. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s only weighing you down.

Know that it’s ok to let go. Surrender is often the only choice. And the right choice.

You have nothing you have to strive for. You have no one you truly need to be proud of you. But you.

Someone else’s desire or will is not your own. Don’t let another’s plans become your own.

And, master your ego darling. That keeping you small. It doesn’t serve you.

Be strong. Adopt your boundaries, right now.

Time is both an illusion and a precious commodity. Choose how you use it, and who and what you decide to invest it on oh-so-wisely.

Forget trying to please everyone. Forget seeking to be understood. Loved. Seen. Forget having to have and do it all.

Validation never comes from out there.

Because here’s what matters:

Your heart.
Your truth.
Your presence.
Your power.
Your light.

You were born to glow. Start now. Right now.

Make you your truth. Your choice.

Be your own north star. Let your brilliance illuminate the world.

Accept that’s why you are really here.

You will always have enough. You always are enough. It’s safe to step into the world now.

Oh, and you’re psychic. In case you hadn’t realised there was a word for those experiences you’ve always had. Nothing to fear. Embrace it darling. Just own it. That gift will unfold in ways you can’t imagine. Help people in ways you can’t imagine.

No moulds anymore. No need to conform. No need to fear disappointing others. There is a power, a grace, a connection about you that becomes so much more true when you are you.

Don’t you see?

You are safe. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are here to be you. That is the whole point.

And, you know what?

You absolutely fuckin rock.